A rose by any other name...

The boys and I often use aliases. Don't worry. We are not criminals, secret agents, kidnap victims, or protected witnesses. Sometimes we like to make up names as a game, just for the fun of it. Other times, the names are used to go along with the adventure we happen to be on at the time. Example: If we are playing Knights, we would need appropriate, knight names. A good knight name might be Sir Percival the Lionhearted.

I shall start with the real deal. Do you like your given name? I think most people don't, but would you change it if you could? Mine is Julinda, too long & nobody ever gets it right. "Is your Daddy named 'Joe' & your Mom named 'Linda'?" No, & my name is not Jo Linda. It's Julinda, pronounced like Melinda. Although some would argue it is pronounced Jew-linda. I also think Julinda is misspelled, but I wouldn't change it. Maybe I should go by my middle name, Ann.

Colten Tanner was actually Zachary Garrett through my entire pregnancy, but it didn't fit after he was born. Sadly, he remained nameless for 4 days. Colten is pronounced with a short e at the end. It is not Colton. He is mistakenly Colton to most people. My Grandpa called him Tanner Bananner. My Great Aunt says Colt-lyn. The name Riley was also considered for Colt.

Riley Cade was nameless for a few days too. He would have been Reese if he were a girl. Most people wonder why his middle name is Kay. I've also been asked what the K. stands for. Rye was very close to being a Nicholas. My aunt wanted me to name him after the kitten in Colt's favorite book when he was little, "No, No, Nicky".

Nicknames
Mom: Mama Big Booty, Aunt Shalinda, Ju (Someone once asked me if I was offended by being called Jew), Jewels (mostly in high school), Sissy (I used to be Sissy to everyone. I didn't lose this one until after I started school.), I was Pumpkin to my Dad.
Colt: TaTa or ToTo (Colten mispronounced by toddler-aged Madison), CoCo, Hobbitt Feet, My Oldest Child, First Born, Bubba, & Big Bullfrog Bulldog (so named because of his irritating antics while on my bed)
Rye: Y-Tade, Whitey, Wiley, My Youngest, & Little Bullfrog Bulldog (same as Colt)
I call each of them "Sweets".

Spanish Names
Mom: Blanca
Colt: Alejandro
Rye: Tito
We made up Spanish names because Colt is studying Spanish. Although, Rye wants to legally change his name to Tito.

Hobbitt Names
Mom: Ruby Grubb of Little Delving
Colt: Popo Grubb of Little Delving
Rye: Samwise Loamsdown
These names were generated for us. We often call Colt, Popo Grubb.

HipHop Names
Mom: DJ 'Nilla Chilla
Colt: Cheese Masta Funk
Rye: 'Lil Biggie
Again, Colt's gets used often. We're SO gangsta, dawg.

Star Wars Names
Mom: Chazrah (a Jedi Wookie)
Colt: Netloc (a Jedi Human)
Rye: Clox (a mercenary Trandoshan)
We use these playing a Star Wars role playing game. Colt's name is his name backwards.

Pirate Names
Mom: Almost Blind Blythe or Cap'n Bella Deadweight
Colt: Dashing Pike the Pink or Parrotless Pete
Rye: Muck Mutiny or Shark Tooth Stumpy
Everybody wants to be a pirate. We really like the Pirates of the Carribbean movies. Muppet Treasure Island is an absolute favorite. Arrrr, if ye have any small words about it, ye be walkin' the plank, ye bilge rat.

Indian Names
Mom: Sitting Bird
Colt: Quiet Eagle Watching
Rye: Climbing Lizard
Rye named me because I like to sit at the computer. These are just for fun, although I am one-quarter Indian. I know, my dark skin is a give away. My earthly tribe is the Grand River Band of Ottawa Indians. A little Ottawa History. Ottawa Indians refer to themselves as "Neshnabeck" (nishnaabeg) which means "original people". I would like to find the translation for "God's people".

Eternal Names
Our names written in the Lamb's Book of Life.

Rehash

This is a story I told last summer. I'm using it as a filler, so I don't have to write. Outside work is calling me. I still enjoy this story. I hope you do as well.

WARNING: Traumatizing Story

This morning, my brother (Stevie) comes to my house & tells me that I need to come with him. There is a dog that has been ran over on the highway & he is afraid that it is our dog, Coco. So, the boys are asking me questions & I tell them we will talk about it when I get back. Stevie & I drive up to the highway. I can see the dog laying on the other side of the highway. I can see it's a chocolate lab, like our Coco, but I'm still hoping that it's not her. Sadly, it is Coco. There is blood pooled around her head & she is already stiff. My brother loads her in the pickup.

When we get back to the house, I tell Stevie where I want to bury her. We take her to the back of my house near a pond. So, it's time to face Colten & Riley. I knew Colt would take it harder than Rye, because Coco was always "his" dog. We affectionately called her "our fat lard". I've held up pretty good so far, but as I go to tell the boys, the tears start flowing.

The boys are stone-faced until after Uncle Stevie leaves & then as I predicted, Colt breaks down. We hug & cry. I tell Colt to remember that dogs don't have souls, so we don't have to worry about how she is now. She was a dear pet to us while she was here. Riley, in true form, reminds us that Coco was getting old anyway. Didn't we remember she was getting gray hairs? (Rye is always good for comic relief! He offered to shoot a friend's cat before when he heard her complain about the cat.)

Now, Riley goes out to inspect Coco's body while Colt & I are getting ready to go bury her. Colt is pretty emotional, so I tell him if he doesn't want to help me dig Coco's grave, that it's okay. He assures me that he'll be alright.

We start digging the ground near our back fence. Let me tell ya, it was VERY hard. I'm thinkin' there is NO way we are gonna be able to do this! We move over just about a foot & thankfully the ground was a bit softer. It was still HARD WORK!!! It's going to take awhile!


I have to go inside to get a bandana to tie my hair back. While I'm inside, Colten comes running in hollering - "MOM! MOM! COCO ISN'T DEAD!" Ok...I'm freakin' out. I'm thinking....I'm gonna have to shoot my own dog in the head....then I remember... she was stiff as a board, there is no way she was still alive!!

I finally say...."do what?" Colt is screaming..."Come outside, Mom. She's here...she's alive!!!" I go outside & sure enough, there is Coco right outside wagging her tail & licking Colten on the face while he is hugging & petting her. So, now the tears come again...maybe even harder because Colt is so relieved that Coco isn't dead! This is a joyful reunion & Coco is just as enthusiastic as Colt. Rye says, "Do you think this is Coco's ghost?!"


Ok....now....what about the dead dog? Yes, now the story gets interesting.

Colten & I can both say now....after the fact....that her face didn't look quite right, but we both thought it was distorted from getting hit & the stiffness. Wonderful mistake we've made.

I have someone else's dead, chocolate lab in my backyard! What the heck do I do now?! I call my Mom & brother. Stevie & my cousin, Chris, tell me to take it back up to the highway. Are you kiddin' me?! Can you imagine what people are going to think of me unloading a dead dog on the side of the highway? Of course, that's out of the question.


But, what can I do? Colt said..."Mom, if it was Coco & we didn't know she died, wouldn't you want someone to let us know?" Well sure, but I don't even know who this dog belongs to!! I didn't want to go ahead & bury the dog & then the owner have a sentinmental wish to have their beloved pet buried under their apple tree...ya know what I'm saying'?!!

So I call a neighbor to see if he knows whose dog it is. Thankfully, he did. The owner (a lady) had already called crying & asking if they would "get rid of the dog". He said they couldn't figure out what happened to it!! I told him that I would go ahead & bury her dog.


Well, our entire morning was used burying someone else's dog! Digging a grave is NOT easy, let me tell ya!!! We worked our butts off! All the time, "our fat lard" was laying beside us sunning herself.

We are wore out tired & I'm thinking I'll be sore in the morning. Colt said, "Mom, I hope Coco doesn't die again anytime soon."

Hope for the Cookie-less

I have a story involving 5 different people. Of course, there will be 5 different versions of this story. Since this is my blog, you'll get my version. :^)

When I came in to work today I was notified the absolutely wonderful Neighborhood Piper brought in cookies for us. (I think mine & Colt's names were mentioned specifically.) We are talking the real deal cookies, not the almost kind. These cookies were positively unfreakingbelievable - a Ferrari with a full tank of gas.

The cookies were actually delivered yesterday. I was not at work yesterday. The only people at the office were those other two. Yeah, them. You know who I'm talking about. I can't believe the word "integrity" is in the actual name of this business.

Needless to say, the number of cookies delivered & the number of cookies still there today is a subject of great debate. I, myself, enjoyed TWO cookies. Shortly after arriving at work, Colt came to me & said, "There is only one cookie left. Do you want it?" Of course, I let my first-born have the last cookie.

Is there hope for the cookie-less? We can only look to the Piper for pity on the cookie-vacuums at our office. We would glady exchange your empty dish that we have for a full one! I may need my own special batch. With the four guys at the office, it's going to be hard to get my even share.

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness, Piper!

Major Payne

We have sickness in our house again. Colt is battling a second round of it. He has had a cough since last Tuesday. I had to take him to the doctor on Friday. She gave him pneumonia-strength antibiotics. There was an improvement on Saturday. Sunday, he was zapped again. The fever & aches came back. We all three have confidence in God's healing for Colt.

We stayed home from work today for rest & healing for Colt. I am thankful to say that he is much improved. He has a low-grade fever, but doesn't feel bad.

This morning, I had to run to Velma to the bank. I left Riley in charge. You should have seen the sparkle in this kid's eyes. I explained to him that you have to be compassionate when you're in charge. Everything that you give, you'll get in return from those in charge of you. I also went over a few of the important house rules. I told him that he would need to care for Colten because he is sick.

I left & had to stop at my family's office to pick up my cell phone from my Mom. They asked where the boys were & I explained they were at home. I told them Riley was in charge. They unanimously felt sorry for Colt.

As soon as I left the office, I called home. Both boys answered. I told them I had my phone & asked them how things were going. Colt told me right after I left, Riley shouted, "Okay, drop and give me twenty!" They both giggled & Riley said, "Yeah, but I almost baked him cookies."

How do you "almost" bake someone cookies?

Zoinks!

I spent a lovely evening with my family last night. It was my Uncle's birthday. We enjoyed cake & ice cream along with an evening of entertainment provided by my cousin, who is a first responder & volunteer fireman. He has so many stories!

If you ever get the chance to hear a first responder share their stories...run. Go hide in the closet, offer to do the dishes, anything to spare yourself. I'm just kidding...kinda. Some of these stories would make a goat puke, some were funny, some were serious. Of course, you have to know my cousin. All of his stories were wildly entertaining & tearfully hilarious. His wife said that he & his buddy are like the Scooby-Doo & Shaggy of the first responders & firemen.

On a serious note, I want to say thank-you to my cousin & the other volunteers & officials for their efforts on behalf of our community. (You deserve a Scooby snack!)

Family Sayings

I'm sure all of you have a family member that maybe you didn't know so well, or you were too young to remember; but the stories about them linger on. I have one such cousin. He was older than my mother & passed away when I was young. He was a corker to say the least. All the stories that are told about him are said with rounds of laughter. He always wore a smile & loved to aggravate his mother. Therefore he was often chased by his mother with a broom, much to the enjoyment of all the witnesses. (Yes, she would even chase him with a broom when there was company in the house.)

I know we all have certain quotes or sayings that are passed down through our families. There is a certain saying that I have always enjoyed from my cousin. It makes me giggle every time that I think about it. My cousin loved to socialize & wasn't deterred if he was short on cash. He would say, with a smile of course, that he needed to borrow some money because he was "financially embarrassed".

Now, you have a phrase to use the next time you don't have quite enough for that Starbuck's latte. You are financially embarrassed. I have been financially embarrassed a few times myself. Come to think of it that's what I should have told the clerk at Wal-Mart when my card was declined.

Now, please share with me your family quotes, sayings, phrases, or jokes. Thanks.

Everybody wants to be me.

Ok, so I am the victim of fraud. No, I'm not talking about Santa Claus. Someone is actually using my name, my address, and worst of all my debit card! The tricks on them. I can't wait until they start getting notices from debt collectors. Seriously though, I have been on the phone the biggest part of the day trying to resolve this. My first tip-off, my card was declined at Wal-Mart. How embarrassing is that? I asked one of the more helpful customer service reps I talked with today if the crook gave an email address when they charged on my card? She laughed & said that they did, but because of privacy laws, she couldn't give it to me. Oh well, as long as I'm being protected from fraud...

Make Haste!

My latest poem was conceived today, concocted from need, borne of exasperation...

Make Haste!

Make haste, make haste!
Graciously step aside, practice forbearance.
Do my needs not exceed your own?
Don your patience & tighten your resolve.
I have laid possession & will not relinquish it!
Though my dominion here be fleeting,
It will reign until my departure.
My successor is a clamorous groaner.
Is the sight of a closed door so loathsome?
What greater torture could be bestowed?
I have never heard of death from biding one's time.
Although, admittedly, I have entertained the idea myself.
Thusly lives the household with one bathroom.

The Riley Line Farewell

Well, this is good-bye to "The Riley Line". Riley said something today that had Colt & me rollin'. After we started laughing. Riley said, "Is that a 'Riley Line'?" I felt like a stage mother should feel! : ( LOL. So, to NOT run the risk of exploiting my beautiful, unaffected son's humorous take on life; I'm going to stop blogging it. I will continue to discreetly take notes when I can & hopefully share it with him & his wife one day, a long time from now, when he can appreciate it. I will also share random Riley-ness with you guys too. Let me give you a final line...

Riley: If I marry a wife named Sal, what will her name be?
Mom: Sally Ellis
Riley: No, SAL.
Mom: Oh, I'm sorry, SAL Ellis.
Riley: (confused) Why's that?
Mom: What do you mean? Did you think that you would get her name?
Riley: No, I thought the preacher made up a new name for ya.

The Riley Line

Mom: Riley, where are your dirty socks?
Riley: I put them in the hanky.
Mom: The hanky?
Riley: Yeah, that's what I call it.

The Riley Line

Colt is taking Spanish this year. There are a great amount of Spanish conversations in our household. They tend to be a little one-sided. : ) Colt & I were talking about the names of the luchadors in "Nacho Libre". This is a sampling of that conversation.

Colt: Yes, his name is "Silencio".
Mom: So, his name is actually "Silence"?
Colt: Yes, that's right.
Mom: What kind of name is that for a wrestler?! Silence?!
Riley: I know a guy named Silence.
Mom: Come on, Rye. You know someone named Silence?
Riley: Yeah, he goes to our church.
Mom: There is not anyone at church named Silence.
Riley: Yes, there is. I think he's a Fortney.
Mom: OHH! You mean SILAS!
Riley: Yeah, that's what I said.

The Riley Line

Riley: (yelling)"Mom! I need a towel."

Mom: "Use the one hanging up."

Riley: "This is the towel you used.

Mom: "Yeah."

Riley: "Well, it's filled with cooties."

Pause

Pause

Riley: "What are cooties anyway?"

The Riley Line

Let me set the stage for the following conversation. Monday at work Riley finds out that I have to work Thursday on my birthday.

Riley: Mom, that's not fair.
Mom: Why not? Were you gonna take me to the movies or something?
Riley: Yeah, or maybe get you some more allergy pills.
Mom: (still wearing the look of confusion mixed with amusement)
Riley: Do we have to do school on your birthday?

Could I really make this kid do school on my birthday?! I mean, I have allergy pills to look forward to. Yes, he had to do school today. I can't wait to show you what he gave me! I plan to take pics & share my wonderful day with you.

The Riley Line

Riley: You know the problem with smoochin'?
Mom: What's that?
Riley: Your eyes are closed. You can't see if somethin' bad's gonna happen.