Big Changes

I have been considering how faith grows and how we are established in it. I know there was a time when it was with a heavy heart that I contemplated whether I could continue in this walk. As defeat continued in my spirit, I kept crying out to God, "Why? If I can't overcome, what do you want from me?" Thankfully there has not been a pull to return to my former manner of life, but there have been strongholds that stopped my walk dead in its tracks. The chains of sin were broken, but the adversary was able to drive me in other ways. There was a point when I knew I couldn't go back to my former lifestyle, but with a heavy spirit I relented, "Jesus, where else is there for me to go but to you?" These words of Simon Peter were evident in me, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68) I knew there was nowhere else for me to go, but I doubted my strength in pursuing it. I am thankful for His mercy. I now feel rooted in the Word and my walk feels more sure. I pray to continue to be strenghtened.

I know there are seasons for us & we should be patient & faithful through every season. This is a learning process also. I look back when the homeschool process started for me. It wasn't just an overnight thought, "I'm gonna homeschool my kids!" It started as my mind was being renewed in all things. I knew I didn't want what the world has to offer for my children. I knew Colten was at a point where alot of ungodly behavior starts for most through peer pressure. I wanted better for my boys. Nay, I want the best.

My mindset at this time was "I would like to homeschool, but I can't until I am married. I need to stay home with the boys & have a husband to provide for us." Of course, God had other plans for me. He answered prayer with the Faughts. What a blessing they have been to us. I transferred Riley from Fox school to Velma & Lindsay started picking him up from his half a day of school.

God laid out our homeschool plan. After much prayer & planning, I removed the boys from public school. Colt started his 7th grade year & Riley started with kindergarten. I was working full time. The boys stayed with the Faughts. Janice, Lindsay, & Reagan laid their lives down for us. We did school after work.

You can't imagine the onslaught of criticism for this decision. My family & friends were in an uproar. Some were indignant, some were quiet about it, but most were not. I was cussed & I was shunned. I was pitied or I guess the boys were pitied. Even acquaintances raised a skeptical eyebrow toward me. It was one of the hardest trials I have endured, but also one of the biggest producers of faith. A question I had to answer was "If everyone you hold dear turns from you, will you still follow Me?" I cried alot & prayed alot through this time. Most people have accepted that homeschooling is a path we won't depart from & save their criticisms for behind my back. I used to hear others talk about my boys' education with "knowing" glances towards one another. I still do actually, but I'm at peace. I used to feel such a strong need to defend my decision to every single thought or criticism anybody had about it. Now, I know, some will never understand, but I'll leave my defending & their understanding to God.

Although the negative views were harsh, I can't begin to tell you the benefit of encouragement from those who had already walked through this. I was told, "They may not see it today, but one day they will say 'Julinda's boys are different'. They will be different. All your efforts towards your children will be rewarded."

My next thought in this process, "How can I homeschool & not work full time?" God again showed me a different path. There was a plan laid out over the next year to quit my job. I paid off all my debt & completely pared down our living expenses to the bare essentials. (No more TV was a BIG adjustment for us, but that's a whole other story.) Every major hurdle for me has been met with alot of heat. Quitting my job was no different. I have learned, if there is a great amount of opposition that comes against my decision, it's most likely the right one.

God has been faithful for our provision, even without a husband. Every need has been met. My patience & faith have been strengthened. God's timing is not the same as mine. Are things laid out for us on a silver platter at our whim? Of course not, but I have learned not to worry. He will provide, usually in a way I don't expect.

God's next lesson for me, "I can't work part-time & have my children with me." He shattered this thought with Bodie & Megan. Bodie needed help & being a wonderful example of what homeschooling produces, he welcomed my children during worktime! What a wonderful blessing...a likeminded boss & coworker.

Homeschooling, of course, is not for everyone. Nor, should it be entered lightly. It allows for great flexibility, but you have to be completely devoted to your children. 24/7 with my children sounds like a nightmare to some. I hear mothers already dreading summer vacation. This is a blessing. I am glad my eyes have been opened to the value of it. It is not only for the great benefit of my children. God uses homeschooling to help produce what He wants in ME.

If I have learned anything, it's that all things are possible with God. Maybe a bit cliche to some, but it's truth to those who live it. God has taken my small-minded "I can't" or "Not me" & blown all my preconceived restrictions out of the water. I pray that I will meet His "impossiblities" with "Show me the way, Lord."